Fasten your seatbelts ladies and gents, it's gonna be a bumpy ride...

This is gonna be one of those posts. You know the ones you write late at night and aren't sure if you're actually going to publish? And you wait to reread the next morning and realize you sound completely crazy. Or unstable. Or judgmental. Or whatever. At least more so than you care to let people know about? And then you're completely relieved that you had the soundness of mind to keep yourself from pressing "publish" the night before whilst in the midst of your (in this case) emotional purging? Do you know what I'm talking about? Well, this is gonna be one of those...

I'm feeling sad tonight. I don't know what happened. I was laying upstairs putting Leah to bed and it's like I suddenly became keenly aware, for the first time, of what has happened over the last couple of weeks.

I've been congratulating myself for how strong I've been through all of this... how amazingly well I've been handling it all, and I've been so thankful for feelings of peace and hope for the future. But tonight it feels like all of that has just been some subliminal protection... like my brain built a fortress around my heart, keeping reality at bay until my heart had time to ready the troops. But I don't feel like my troops are ready.

I guess I don't really have anything else to say about it. Just that I'm sad. And I miss Jesse. And I wish I knew what he was thinking and feeling right now. I kiiinda think he may be a smidge happy I'm feeling sad tonight, cause I'm pretty sure he hasn't felt like I've been giving him quite enough attention. And even though he has much more important things to think about, I secretly hope he does feel that way. Because it makes me feel good to think that maybe he's thinking about me.

Maybe I'll try to cheer myself up by telling you about my weekend with Sam in Salt Lake with no Turkey Sub. It was magical. And I even have some pictures to share.

Don't hate me for the abrupt change of subject. Sometimes I like to pack as much as I possibly can into one blog post in the spazziest way possible. And I really do think it will lift my spirits. So here I go.

Sam left Idaho immediately following Jesse's funeral and flew back to Chicago to take his finals. After that, he flew to Boston for 3 days to make the rounds at a few companies of interest, and then on to LA to do the same. The whole time I was in Idaho Falls with my parents and Leah, missing my husband somethin' fierce! SOOO, I planned a little weekend getaway for his arrival.

We left Leah for the night with Mera and Jason. Officially the first time I've left her overnight with anyone. I spent the night clutching a pillow and crying out her name. False. It was a little bit more like skipping through the streets, head thrown back in maniacal laughter, shouting, "I'm Free! I'm FREEEEEEE!!!"

We drove up to SLC, but not without first giving a crazy a ride to the Provo library. You'd think all of our time in San Fran would have hardened us to the hobo variety. But no. We are super loving and compassionate. And she said, "pretty please."

We officially started out our weekend together by renting "Star Trek" in our hotel room. We still had a couple of hours until anything we had planned started and there's nothing more relaxing and lazy than watching a movie mid day. It was glorious.

We ventured off to temple square once it got dark and elbowed our way through the crowds

(good grief) to try to get a few pictures. I was quite dismayed with how grumpy everyone was about taking pictures... so most of ours ended up being self-portraits like these:

This little gem was tickling the ivories in the JSB all night.

After about 15 minutes of being annoyed with the people at temple square, we made our way to the Melting Pot for a little fondue extravaganza. So excellent. And we closed the place down, what about bob-ing after each bite.

When we walked back to our hotel there was, as with any nice hotel on a Saturday night in SLC, a bride and groom arriving. We ended up in the elevator with them and Sam generously offered a few pointers for the wedding night. He's so thoughtful. And they really appreciated it....

Just kidding. In all actuality there were crickets chirping the entire elevator ride... especially since the only luggage they had with them was a huge basket full of whip cream...and cheese whiz.

The next morning we headed over to the Grand America for their legendary brunch. Seriously, I've never seen so much food in my life. I highly recommend it if you're feeling a little fancy and a lotta hungry.

Sadly, this is the only picture I took:

There was simply too much gluttony going on to be bothered with picture taking. And I think we must have each had about 10 plates.

After brunch we drove home to the loving arms of our little Turkey Sub. It was a much needed break, and an even much-er needed diversion. So thanks for reading about it.

Yes, I'm feeling better already.

Just a little something....

Because of my desperate need to send my last two posts further down the screen, and because I have nothing new of note to blog about, I'd like to share with you a little "Sam and Vanessa are meant to be" moment that should have been documented long ago. Now, I wouldn't necessarily say this story shines a flattering light on my dear, sweet husband... but he's in Boston right now, dutifully snoozing away. And I'm wide awake in Utah, all alone, and feeling feisty. So here we go.

Sam and I were about to be engaged when we had this sweet conversation:

Me: Baby, if I were an animal, what kind of animal would I be?

Sam: Hmmmm... I'm not sure, what do you think I'd be?

Me (thinking hard about what would most effectively stroke his ego, while still being realistic): Hmmm... you'd probably be a fox. Because you're really smart, and resourceful. And handsome! So you'd definitely be a fox. Or wait, a wolf.. cause they're still clever like a fox but more majestic and serious and powerful.... and dangerous (insert eyebrow shimmy).

Sam (clearly pleased): Really? Hmm...

Me: Yep... so, what would I be?

Brace yourselves. The following response has not been falsified or exaggerated in any way.

Sam (thinking to himself): Hmmmm... I think you'd probably be... a walrus.

..........................

..........................

A WALRUS.

That's right. Savor it. Just let it sink right in.

You'd think this response would have been immediately followed by an upheaval of laughter on his part and a swift charlie horse delivery on mine. But it wasn't. Instead, Sam just stared at me with the sincerity of an all too-honest child. And said nothing.

His only defense, to this day, is, "what? they're cute. and they make people laugh."

Yes, Sam. That's nice.

Seems about right....

A Child at Home

I’ve been dreading even trying to put any of this into words. Mostly because I’m exhausted… in every way one can be exhausted. And I’ve been avoiding revisiting the emotions that writing about Jesse’s passing brings to light. I’ve been at peace, and a little numb, since the funeral. And I’ve needed some time to let my sore forehead muscles heal. Who knew your whole forehead feels like it’s bruised when you’ve been crying really, really hard for a long time? I’ve never really had to consider my forehead muscles before. They’re out of shape.

I’ve been staying in Jesse’s room since I’ve been here, snuggling up in his sheets and looking through his things. Today we went through all of his clothes and right now I’m wearing the t-shirt that still smells strongest of him. My mom suggested throwing everything in the wash before we separated it out, and I nearly lost it. I feel panicky at the thought of this smell fading away.

I’ve been in an alternate universe this past week, daydreaming of my life in Chicago… the life I knew before this new one, where I no longer have my big brother. My other life feels like a dream. And it doesn’t help that Sam is there now, taking his finals. I’ve been quite put out by everyone else going about things normally, while life for my family has seemed to come to such an abrupt halt. But this week has been full of tender mercies, and more than anything, I feel overwhelmingly grateful to my Heavenly Father.

Jesse’s funeral was beautiful. I cannot think of those who attended without becoming very emotional. There are no words to convey my gratitude to those of you who have reached out. In all honesty, I have been sitting here for the last 15 minutes trying to think of something I could say to do my feelings justice, and everything I think of seems completely futile. You have been a comfort and an anchor, and your compassion and service has sustained us.

My sisters and I were honored to sing for Jesse on Saturday and these are the lyrics to the song our family chose:

My Shepherd will supply my need
Jehovah is His name.
In pastures fresh He makes me feed
Beside the living stream.

He brings my wand’ring spirit back,
When I forsake His ways.
And leads me for His mercy’s sake
In paths of truth and grace.

When I walk through the shades of death
Thy presence is my stay.
One word of Thy supporting breath
Drives all my fears away.

Thy hand in sight of all my foes,
Doth still my table spread.
My cup with blessings overflows,
Thine oil anoints my head.

The sure provisions of my God
Attend me all my days.
O may Thy house be my abode,
And all my work be praise.

There would I find a settled rest,
While others go and come.
No more a stranger nor a guest,
But like a child at home.

Nothing brings me more comfort than thinking of Jesse in the arms of the Savior, no more a stranger nor a guest, but like a child at home.

I cannot express the gratitude I feel for my Father in Heaven, who, if we but look to Him, lovingly allows us to find hope and joy through our darkest hours. I’ve never felt so close to my family, and I’ve never felt closer to Him. Our eternal bonds have been tangible this week. How indebted I am to Him for allowing me to be born to my family. How thankful I am to Him for guiding me to Sam and entrusting us with our beautiful little Turkey Sub. How grateful I am for Jesse, and for the time I was given with him here on earth. I know he will be waiting for me, eager to teach me all that he has learned. I miss you, big brother. My heart aches every time I think of your sweet face. I am counting down the days until I get to be with you again, to know you, freed from earthly afflictions, as the man you were meant to be.

My Biggest Brother

I'm not really in a place where I can write about this yet. Until I get there:

His obituary from woodfuneralhome.com

JESSE COLLARD

PROVO, UT -- Jesse Curtis Collard, 32, formerly of Idaho Falls, passed away December 1, 2009, at his sister’s home in Provo, Utah.
Jesse was born June 15, 1977 in Idaho Falls, Idaho, to Curtis Alan Collard and Nancy Lee Hatch Collard. He graduated from Idaho Falls High School in 1995, where he participated in football, baseball and wrestling.

He resided in Idaho Falls; Chandler, Arizona; and Provo, Utah. Jesse owned his own commercial flooring company and worked throughout the United States.
He was a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He loved his motorcycle, mountain biking, hiking, traveling and playing the piano.

Survivors include:
Son: Carson Jesse Angell, Sandy, UT
Parents: Nancy & Curtis Collard
Brother: Abram (Tiffany) Collard, Erie, PA
Sister: Bethany (Walid) Kaakoush, Maricopa, AZ
Sister: Meradith (Jason) Christensen, Provo, UT
Sister: Vanessa (Sam) Palmer, Chicago, IL
He was preceded in death by his grandparents; and his uncle, C.C. Randall.

Funeral Services will be held at 2 p.m., Saturday, December 5, 2009, at the Ammon Foothill Stake Center, 3934 East 49th South, with Bishop Craig Tibbetts of the Ammon LDS 24th Ward officiating. The family will visit with friends on Saturday from 1-1:45 p.m. prior to the services at the church. Burial will be in the Rose Hill Cemetery.

I love you so much, J.

Turkey Day and the Turkey Sub

This year we headed to Erie, PA to visit my brother, Abe, and his family for Thanksgiving. We drove, which was thrilling simply because I got seven straight hours of Sam's undivided attention. And Sam was elated because he got to listen to three months worth of my thoughts, feelings and musings about life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. He was so grateful.

This trip was especially joyous because, with Abe attending medical school in Erie, and our residing in San Francisco for several years, our time together has been sparse. His munchkins have eluded my pummeling for far too long...

My niece, McKinley, is a brilliant, unique little girl with some of the best dance moves I've ever seen. You know those exquisite little adult-children who are all wise and thoughtful like the little girl on Matilda? She's one of those. And she didn't leave Leah's side for the entire trip.

After our Thanksgiving dinner we had the following exchange:

Me: Wasn't that the yummiest dinner ever?

McKinley: Ummm... yes, it was delicious.

Me: Did you have a fun time?

McKinley: Yes I did, but (suddenly looking distressed) I just knew Jaylen and Daeken (my cousin's little boys who ate with us) were going to distract me!

Me: Distract you from what?

McKinley: From spending enough time with you!

Of course I got all puffed up with pride and adoration and immediately asked her if I was her favorite aunty. I had to strike while the iron was hot. We'll just say, for the sake of this blog, that her answer wasn't a confused look and a slow head shake, but more of a resounding "YES! OF COURSE YOU ARE!"

Don't even get me started on this tasty morsel, Calum:

The kids were already asleep when we arrived Wednesday night and Abe and Tiff set us up in THEIR bedroom. Seriously, does anything makes you feel more sheepish than overtaking the master bedroom? I don't think so. Anyway, I wasn't surprised when I heard humming and felt little fingers running through my hair in the morning. Calum, who clearly thought I was his mom, had popped in to say good morning. When Abe came in to tell him to go downstairs, he looked from Abe to Sam and me in utter confusion and horror. I looked up just in time to see a tiny, butt-naked frame scamper out of the room and down the stairs at lightning speed.

You'll notice Tiffany and baby Ethan aren't in any of these pictures. Nursing babies don't allow many appropriate photo opportunities for their mothers. And that's exactly what she was doing during our little jaunt to the lake.

Look at that face! Pure Calvin and Hobbes smile. Ooooh I love it.

Abe and Sam sharing a pensive (romantic) moment...

McKinley demonstrating an effective choke hold.

Leah demonstrating an especially effective form of seduction. Precisely how her father first got me to go out with him.

Speaking of seduction, Sam with a beard=cat nip for Vanessa. Whenever he has one I get all frisky and purry and try to rub my face all over his. Just thought I'd share.

Leah in a drunken state of jubilation at this excellent little children's science center/museum we visited.

This is how Sam had to spend the majority of the trip. No, I'm not bitter. Why the crap would you ask that?

Saturday night Tiff, McKinley and I ventured to a ward Christmas concert for a little girl's night out. We randomly ran into a kid I went to high school with and when he introduced me to his wife, I excitedly said, "Oh hi! Me and your husband went to HS together!" Her response, "Yeah, I know, me and YOU went to high school together too." I still have no clue who she is, but I just love being a part of those awkward, feel-good moments.

On Sunday we grudgingly packed up and said our goodbyes. We took our time driving home and made several stops, including the Kirtland temple:

We were bummed that it wasn't open for tours but still such a cool place to visit from our Church history.

Leah was so excited when we finally got home that she immediately gathered up her favorite loot from around the house and settled in on her rug for a little tube. We're so proud.

Thanks to Abe and Tiff and Co. for such a splendid trip. Now.... the countdown to Christmas!

Golden Gargoyles

I know, I know. I've been in a blogging frenzy lately. Just love me.

Now...

A major time-suck while getting an MBA is team-building and social networking. At the start of the year, the incoming students were separated into groups called cohorts and sent off into the wilderness for a few days of ropes courses, trust falls, ego stroking, and chest bumping. Each cohort was given the task of making a short film, and Saturday night, we all got together to celebrate and watch at the GOLDEN GARGOYLES... which pretty much means the Oscars for homemade cohort movies.

I don't have much to say about the night aside from that it was RIDICULOUSLY EXHILARATING. Can I just say there's no feeling like dancing in a club-like setting with your hot hub, great friends, and 200 drunken (yet respectable) foolios, after 4 years of marriage and 1.5 years of motherhood?! I mean seriously, there was so much love and unabashed congratulating in that room I thought I might fly away. Not to mention the theme was the 90s, so the music alone was enough to make me high as a kite.

We all flooded the nearest thrift store for our duds and I must say, I think we pulled it off quite nicely. Sam rocked this hard-to-explain-yet-painfully-90s ensemble:

I went for a 90s grunge look:

Our "Crew" (minus Matt and Mimi): Mark and Amber, Carina and Lincoln, Diane and Dan, and of course, Sam and moi.

Please don't ask why I thought it was a good idea to bust out that same pose every time the camera flashed. Because I don't have an answer. But I will say that I apologize.

Mark (far left) wins the award for most convincing 90s attire with his tribal tats and clooney cut. I dubbed him "backstreet boy" 90s. His wifey, Amber was "Jesse Spano" 90s, rocking her sweet red blazer.

Dan and Diane went with an "argyle preppy" 90s look, and Linc and Carina rocked "clueless" 90s.

I wish I had more pictures... In fact, I had to steal all these from Carina because I was a lame-o photog that night. I blame Sam. And the dancing.

Sam's cohort was up for "best video" but ended up losing to Mark's cohort. Pshhhhhht. Whatever, Mark. Anyway, this is part of Sam's cohort's movie that was really funny. If you don't recognize it, it's a spoof of the SNL skit with T-Payne, "I'm on a boat." Bare in mind the older gentleman featured is the dean of the business school. So sweet.

Small warning: this video contains several bleeped out curse words. Don't watch if you find this offensive.

Oh yeah... SO SO thankful to Matt and Mimi who tenderized the Turkey Sub while we spent this magical night on the dance floor! We love you. And we owe you five million.

Sky Rockets in Flight! Afternoon Delight!

I've been feeling rather uninspired lately. I blame Leah. She's been sapping away all of my zest for life by taking a flying leap into the terrible twos at the ripe age of 18 months. And I can tell by her mocking expression that she's doing it completely on purpose. Twice this week Sam has shouted at me that she's possessed... I think she very well could be.

I was feeling especially bored with my existence yesterday when we went to LPF (Liquidity Preference Function--- a little finance humor, apparently) which is an hors d' oeuvres/drinks schmorgesborg (try spelling hors d' oeuvres and schmorgesborg on your own. good grief) they put on every Friday night for the B-school students and their families. Glad to see our 50k/year put to good use.

Most of the students use this opportunity to get a little tipsy and try to impress each other, but those of us with kids gather up our food and hide out in one of the side rooms, alternating who's turn it is to go back for another plate. I thought this was hefferish until one of the student financial aid reps confessed to Sam that she secretly brings a doggy bag and makes off with as much free food as she can. She encouraged Sam to do the same because, well, times are tough. Now whenever I'm packing my compact-disk sized plate with finger foods, I imagine doing a fore-arm sweep across the table into my purse and making a dash for the door... and sitting right outside in the v-sit and reach position with my little bag o' loot between my legs, stuffing my face with meatballs and cheese squares. At least that's the way I always picture it going down for that fatty financial aid rep.

Anyway, we settled in to eat when one of our most favorite, fabulous families, the Clives (hopefully they read this so I get friend points) announced their plans to attend the circus. Of course, all families within ear shot jumped on board and in no time a processional of minivans started the trek to a little Barnum and Bailey extravaganza.

Who knew a little acrobatics and animal cruelty was all I needed to get my mojo back?

I was pleasantly surprised by the "Greatest Show on Earth." Because it was such an impromptu trip, we were unprepared so this was the single shot taken with Sam's cell phone:

I remember distinctly wanting to be a circus performer when I was little. Especially after seeing Toby Tyler. I've never seen a circus in my adult life so I was a little disillusioned with the vagabond mange that, indeed, makes up the circus troupe. And the clowns. Don't even get me started on the clowns. No doubt, each one of them vying for a promotion to "elephant crap sweeper." Otherwise, the acrobatics and ELEPHANTS OH MY GOODNESS THE ELEPHANTS! were rather spectacular.

Low Point: The tigers. While it was awesome to see these majestic beasts jump and leap and roll over in unison, I was peeved the entire time with the trainer, an obnoxious latino with a whip, who was screaming the entire time in an attempt to maintain power. Tigers are clearly not as responsive to verbal abuse as elephants. They kept snarling and swiping at him and I was stressed out the whole time. Secretly I was hoping one of them would Siegfried and Roy his little gold-sequined arse. Don't you hate the word "arse?"

High Point: One of the chestery carnies working the door who, when I asked him where the restroom was, pulled me close around the waist and whispered, "what was that?" in my ear, while feverishly kneading my love handles with both hands. Mmmmm.

Leah was utterly hypnotized until spark plugs started going off in her little brain and she promptly fell asleep from overstimulation... but not before Carina lovingly graced her palm with a sucker, one of her first sucker encounters... she was so delighted she slept with it clutched in a sticky wad on her chest.

I rinsed it off and presented her with it again this morning... you can see for yourself what happened....

Don't think I won't be toting a stash of suckers around with me where ever I go from this point forward. Just in case she cops a 'tude.

And my Brain is like Bleh...

Prepare for some not sure why I wrote this, caught a whiff of Leah's stank diaper so I had to cut it short with no real point, lameness of a post. Feel free to skip.

This last Thursday I was lucky enough to contract some sort of awesomeness that made me puke every hour, on the hour, for 24 hours straight. It started in the middle of the night and I was devastated when, upon collapsing onto the couch at 2:00AM in a shaky, weakened mess, I heard lurching and sputtering from Leah's room and found her doing the AceVenturaJustFoundOutLoisEinhornIsReallyRayFinkle in her crib. Poor little lamb. She's never thrown up before. Traumatic.

On the bright side, the sickly version of me loves the Jonas Brothers. I watched 6 episodes of JONAS on the Disney channel in a row. That's right. Oh, and I paused and rewound several scenes over and over, laughing hysterically at the cutest, funniest, most talentedest guys I'd ever seen. I've never heard their music before, nor have I seen their TV show, but during those hours of puke-induced delirium, I was their numero uno. In fact, I was so out of touch that I recruited Sam to take a break from his studies to come watch with me. I sat there, thrilled with myself and all excited to reveal my new little treasure, He's gonna think this is so funny! when after seconds of watching, I looked over to find him glaring at me with the crustiest look ever. His face didn't leave mine, nor did its crustiness dissipate, as he slowly stood and returned to our bedroom, closing the door behind him.

It reminded me of one time in college when I was really sick and somehow got my mitts on a made for TV version of Peter Pan starring that little darling, Jeremy Sumpter. I watched it every day, happy as a clam, for three days straight.

Moral of the story: Vanessa gets all preteen and cheesy and creepy when sick.

Number one on my TO DO list this morning: cancel JONAS series recording on DVR.

On Saturday I was able to leave the chestery version of myself in the dust, along with any remnants of nausea. Mother Nature sensed my post-sickness endorphin rush coming on and sweetened the pot with a little dose of 70 degree weather. Which sent me running through the streets (for some reason, I originally typed streaking through the streets... which would have been a slight embellishment) ahem, anyway, running through the streets, fully anticipating those I passed to fall into step and join me in a choreographed version of "The Hills are Alive!"

Speaking of, have you seen this video? It's pretty much all my dreams coming true.

Now, if you're feeling annoyed and that your time spent here was in vain, read this post my really funny sissy just wrote.

What's A Girl to Do.... And the Turkey Sub Too.

I know many of you ladies reading will relate, but one thing that has caused some special irritation in my marriage has been, what I have perceived to be, Sam's oblivion. I don't know how many hours I've wasted throughout our relationship getting gussied up, all excited to see him, for him to come home and not even notice. These instances have almost always lead to the same conversation:

Me (sheepishly): So, do you think I look pretty?

Sam: Yeah, of course I do. You look beautiful.

Me (hopefully): Well I got all ready, did you notice?

Sam: Yeah, I did. You look great.

Me (annoyed): Well why didn't you say anything?

Sam: I just did. You always look beautiful.

Me (irate): Oh, I always look beautiful in my sweats when I've been cleaning and haven't showered in two days?! I had to drag it out of you! You didn't even notice!

Sam: I did notice! I was going to say something about it! I promise! You look HOT!

Me (sheepishly again): ......what else....?

Then we laugh.

But not for long. I usually have to cut the laughing short to deliver a brief lecture on being attentive and showing appreciation for all my efforts. For which Sam is always grateful. This kind of thing is always in good fun, but the other day his obliviousness went a little too far...

Sam and I were sitting on the couch all tangled up when he attempted to get up to get a drink. Because we are oafs, Sam's knee came up and knocked me squarely on the cheek bone, right beneath my eye. It was a really hard blow with a sickening crack, and it hurt like the dickens. You can imagine my disappointment when, minutes after the assault, my cheek looked completely normal. Not even a smidge of swelling or bruising. It's always such a let down when you go through something like that with nothing to show for it... nothing to make people gasp with horror and pity and glare at Sam all accusey while I point a finger at him and say, "he did it."

No, this wouldn't do. Something had to be done. So, naturally, as soon as Sam left the house I scampered over to my makeup case, grabbed my eyeshadow, and masterfully applied a big bruise over my cheekbone. I even rubbed in a bit of red lipstick for that "fresh bruise" look.

I busied myself with making lunch and doing the dishes when Sam returned from his run. He sat down at the table and I steadied myself and honed my acting skills in the kitchen before presenting him with his lunch. I was trying not to smile and be all obvious as I sat across from him, waiting for his eyes to fall on my face for the first time. I imagined the shock and fawning that would take place when he saw my giant bruise, and the subsequent laugh attack I would have when I started wiping it off in front of him. Oh what a good joke it would be!

He looked up... and looked right back down to his plate of food. I thought, "well, that was just a quick glance" and waited for him to look again. He did... and we started chatting... and nothing. I got NOTHING. He had a full on 20 minute conversation with me, jabbering away about his run and classes and aspirations, and failed to notice the great big pulsating bruise that covered the left half of my face.

I felt my blood start boiling. How the crap was this happening? I put my hand up to my cheek, and in a last ditch effort not to ruin my little joke said, "man, my cheek is still hurting, is it bruising or anything?" He looked up briefly and said, "I don't think so, I'm sorry it hurts sweetie."

I felt like Tommy Boy. "Not so much here, not really here... but riiight here."

I was dumbfounded. I flew out of my chair and ran to the mirror in our bedroom. I thought for sure I had accidentally rubbed off my little masterpiece. There was no WAY he was this clueless. But no, it was still there, staring back at me, blaring and obvious.

I stomped back into the dining room and shouted, "It's not BRUISING???! LOOK AT MY FACE!" He looked up in surprise, "Oh! Yeah, there is a bruise. Oh man, that's bad. I'm sorry baby."

After I got all tantrumy about it and he was all sweet and attentive, I felt a little guilty and ridiculous and didn't really know how to tell him it was a fake. So I settled on trying to make it funny and quietly slipped away to wash my face.

When I reappeared in our living room all fresh-faced and giggly... trying to display my injury-free cheek in the most obvious way possible... guess who didn't say a word? That's right. He didn't notice the dark blue and purple bruise he'd inflicted, the very one I'd just thrown a hissy over, had magically disappeared...

And he still hasn't brought it up.

Good grief.

It's a good thing he's so preoccupied with taking stellar care of our little family, or I'd never get over it....

Now, for an abrupt change of subject. Try not to get whiplash.

Take a look at THIS tasty morsel!

Isn't she glorious?!

Cutest little bug on the block, I dare say.

The Title of this Post is Simply; BETHANY

The last few days have flown by in a blur. Probably because that's what happens when you're having an especially good time... and each night you get a little bit panicky because it came too quickly and you know your good time is running out. And you even consider doing NOTHING at all so that these especially good minutes will crawl. But, of course, minutes only crawl when you're doing something sucky.... like staring at the clock... no blinking... tears streaming down your face... mostly from not blinking, waiting for your husband to get home. Sooo, my friends, my minutes have been blazin'. Here's why:

Just look at her! Isn't she glorious?! Isn't she BEAUTIFUL?! For those of you who don't know, this is my oldest sissydoodle, Bethany. And she came to visit me!!! Yes, that sentence did INDEED require three exclamation points. I was shouting it in my head as I typed it.

Now, don't be confused,. I know it appears that there are TWO sisters in the picture... but the simple explanation is that we were visiting "Cloud Gate" in Millennium Park. A huge coffee bean looking thing that reflects the whole skyline and makes taking pictures of yourself really fun...

The best part about being with one or both of my sisters is that any and all inhibitions are pitched out the winda' and the result is a big fat laugh till you cry hullabaloo everywhere we go. For instance, Bethany would probably never ask a stranger to take a picture of her doing thison her own:

Leah wasn't nearly as enthused. Pshhhht whatev.

She was, however, enthused about the history of Millennium Park...

And carried this little pamphlet around everywhere we went. Yes, it is upside down. Don't you judge her.

A must-do when any or all of us sisters get together is a pedicure. And I must say, Beth and I got the cutest matching pedicures on the block.

We both agreed our feet look much cuter and less sausage-y in real life.

Best part about our pedicure excursion... getting bamboozled into spending $31 on parking for 1 hour and 20 minutes. Sam was so enraptured with the little flower on my toe, how in tarnation did they get that teeny tiny little flower on there? that he didn't even seem to notice when I mentioned our little parking splurge. We'll probably be revisiting the conversation when he sees, "giggling sisters lured into downtown parking garage by giant sparkly dome looking shopping mall thing....... $31" on our Amex statement.

We stumbled upon a sign downtown that said, "Filming taking place. Upon entering this area you agree that your image can be used to blah blah blah." You can imagine our delight when we saw 30 cameras lined up along Michigan Avenue. Naturally, we skipped passed gleefully and, upon reaching the last camera, dutifully turned on our heels to run the gauntlet again. This happened six or seven times, each time looking into the cameras in the most unnatural way possible. We are so funny sometimes it hurts.

We ate not once, but twice at Potbelly's.... contributing greatly to pot bellies of our very own. Leah and Bethy at our favorite little sandwich shop.

And last but not least, I had to take her to dance with Big Willy. Bethany has always been my partner in crime in riding rollercoasters and other adrenaline inducing activities (our other sister, Meradith, is and always will be, a big wuss about these types of things) so you can imagine my dismay when, upon exiting the 103rd story elevator to the skydeck, she grabbed my arm and with horrified, tear-brimmed eyes, held out a sweat dripped palm for me to feel. I was so alarmed that I threw her hand away in disgust and shoved her out onto the glass floor. No, no I didn't. But I wanted to. In reality, I gave her a loving squeeze, a pep talk that should be published in a self-help book, and led her gently to the window to take a peek.

It didn't take long for her confidence to return and in no time she was riverdancing out on the glass floors of the balconies.

Leah spent her time contemplating the universe and other philosophical quandaries.

Twilight Zone experience of the trip:

On our way over to Big Willy we hopped in a cab and enjoyed an uneventful ride with a very quiet, but polite cab driver. When we left the tower, I stepped out onto the street and held my arm up to hail a cab. I noticed a cab up the street put the pedal to metal and come veering towards us. As he drew closer, I could see the same driver who had taken us, neck stretched and head hanging out the window, Ace Ventura style, grinning from ear to ear and shouting, "You get me!! It's me again! Hahahaha!" like a loon. We laughed and hopped in, chattering away at how funny and weird our little coincidence was. Our cabbie, in his thick Indian accent, was like, "Yes, hahaha, I have been... how do you say... stalking you. hahhaa." Slightly creepy, but still funny. Then he's all, "So, are you both married? Or have boyfriends?" Ok, officially creepy. Keep in mind we have Leah in tow. Bethany tells him we are both married and he says, "Oh. Well, so am I. Hehe. So.... " He stopped short when he noticed our crusty looks in the rearview. We giggled nervously and held on tight as he proceeded to run TWO red lights. Very invigorating.

We spent the rest of the trip eating, laughing and as always, tag team wrestling. Though Leah and Sam (with his laptop never leaving his side) don't make a very competitive team. We whipped their As every time.

And now....

..... my sister is gone.

SO, should you need to find me over the next few days, I'll be wallowing in the bed she slept in, sniffing her pillow and stuffing my face with Ben and Jerry's Mission to Martzapon.