LATELY.

So going private kinda sucks. It's a bit of a process. So bare with me. It'll happen soon. In the mean time... We've been up to all sorts of crazy shiz. A WHOLE LOTTA staying up until 10PM, people! And waking up at 5AM! And swimming and grocery shopping and party planning and munchkin herding. Super glam.

I left my heart in Baltimore and ventured to Phoenix on August 11th to wait out the rest of Sam's internship with my sister. Turns out hanging out alone with Leah while fat n' preg in downtown Baltimore while Sam works 15 hours a day (EVERYDAY, including Sat and Sun) is poo on a stick. And secretly it's easier for Sam to keep up that kind of schedule when we're not around. And I never need TOO much prodding to skip off to my sissy's house, SO HERE WE ARE!

This post will be just a quick documentation because I am currently hand-fighting with Leah, stiff-arming my two-year old nephew, and dodging foreign projectiles being pitched at my head by my three nieces. There's lots of weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth whenever any of them spot the back of a lap top, with a quivering, quaking adult trembling behind it for a bit of refuge.

We started the AZ extravaganza out with a surprise for my mom in the form of tickets to the American Idol Live Tour. She's a die-hard fan, blowing up my phone every season, all season long to discuss each performance. We tricked her into thinking we were flying her down to babysit but really had a rockin', glorious girl's night out planned.

There is no one more fabulous to surprise than my mom:

And of course, as soon as the camera turned off, she buried her little face in her little hands and had a good cry. So much joy and bliss.

The night began:

Just look at that mama! Smitten and gleeful all night long.

I'm not gonna lie... things got a little crazy.

And when we get really crazy, there's usually ugly-face crying.

And typically, falling asleep. From overstimulation.

'Twas an excellent night, indeed.

After Bethany and I gave my mom and Mera the boot, we got to work throwing a baby shower for her bestie, Kim.

This little watermelon pram we made was the easiest, cutest little fruit display on the block, if I do say so m'sef!

We made these little suckies out of york peppermint patties, life savers and chocolate covered almonds:

And some m&m party favors for the road:

Bethany and I gave ourselves a hearty pat on the back and good long footrub after the day was done. And I had nutty professor ankles and bone spurs after spending the whole day standing on the tile kitchen floor over hot glue guns and baking pans. I love being pregnant.

In other news, this little lady has become a regular barracuda in the water. A barracuda who wears floaties. She's a joke in the barracuda community.

There's nothing I can really say about these next to photos of Bethany's Olivia. THAT HAIR!!

We went to the children's museum and there's one room full of supplies to make any kind of fort you can imagine---Leah bit off a little more than she could chew trying to make the biggest and best of all the forts. She broke down from the stress of it all.

She found herself more suited to pizza baking than the hard labor of fort building. So did the rest of the gang:

And finally, I hacked off all my hair. It had to be done. It was starting to take over my life. Don't be alarmed. It's still to my shoulders, but this last 7 inches makes a total of 15 inches chopped away in the last 6 months. What's really annoying is I don't have any pictures to show for it. So it won't be debuted today. But you can spend the next good while thinking about it long and hard. I know you will. Pictures to follow.

The Dawning of a New Age... One of Privacy and Safety.

Alright everybody, for those of you who are uncomfortable with change, prepare to get your panties in a bundle, cause this blog is going PRIVATE heffas!!! You know the drill, I need your email addresses so I can start the painful process. Don't be shy. Don't you dare get coy with me. Just leave your address. Because I love you.

BUT WAIT, there's more. As many of you know, my sister, Meradith, has also recently gone private. But this is not a mere coincidence.... in fact, we plotted it together. Because, the big news is that we are starting a JOINT blog. A blog where we can really get down to the nitty gritty without fear of exposing those things that are most precious to us.

SO, this blog, this little family blog of mine, will go into hiding.... full of unabashed pictures of the Turkey Sub and me in a swimsuit.... And our joint little ditty will remain a beacon of slightly inappropriate musings about everything in general without any personal info. You get the idea. Oh, and for those of you who know her, Meradith is freaking hilarious, so this new blog is bound to be a good time.

Now, leave me your email address. And visit the new blog:

http://randomtangentry.blogspot.com/

Love Affair....

Last spring, my sister, Meradith, who is a passionate, opinionated woman, decided to read the "Harry Potter" series. Shortly after, she began suggesting that I, too, read the famed series. She began delicately, "Hey Ness, you should read 'Harry Potter.' You'd really love it!" But what started as gentle prods quickly developed into heated, resentful, demands and accusations, "Why the hell won't you read 'Harry Potter!?' What the crap is wrong with you?! You think you're BETTER than Harry!?!?!"

My responses were, as always, meek and understanding, "I'm sorry I've upset you, sister. Please don't be angry with me. I know how much you love Harry, and I don't judge you. I simply can't prioritize a children's fantasy series right now. I just have too much going on. Please understand.... "

I wasn't surprised to hear that her verbal assaults were falling on the ears of my other sister, Bethany, as well. And we talked a whole lotta shiz about Meradith and her obsession with that bespeckled little boy from number 4 Privet Drive.

Things took a nasty turn in the summer when I ventured from my sanctuary in San Francisco to stay at Meradith's house in Utah for a few weeks. One afternoon, I noticed Meradith creeping behind me up to her exercise room. I didn't think anything of it at first, until I situated myself on an exercise bike and put in my headphones. At that moment, Meradith burst through the door with none other that the first HP book clutched in her white-knuckled, spindly little mitt.

"Hey Ness! I thought maybe you'd want to start this book. I mean, you don't have anything else going on while you're exercising, so it's pretty much the perfect opportunity to squeeze some reading in!" Exasperated, I digressed and took the book from her, her face full of anticipation and glee.

She left and I began reading. I had gotten about 15 pages in, not particularly enthused, when the jerking of the exercise bike, mixed with my increasing sweaty-ness, made it irritating to continue reading and I nonchalantly tossed the book to the side. And in that instant I looked up and noticed Meradith's giant, bulging, pulsating eyeball peering in at me through the crack in the door....

Anxiety swept instantly over my body. I tried reaching for the book, but it was no use. She was ascending upon me like a killer whale on a baby seal. She snatched the book before I could blink. She bore down on me with cold distain in her voice, "Did you not like it? Was it not exciting enough for you?? Is there a reason you stopped reading?" In that moment I faltered. For some reason, "my hands were getting sweaty" didn't seem like a good enough excuse. "I... uh... I...." and then I mustered some courage and said, "You know what, Mera? You've been pretty freaking pushy about Harry freaking Potter! I'm not readin' it!"

And it was over almost as soon as it had begun. She said, "You're dead to me!" And turned on her heels and marched out of the room.

We didn't speak of Harry Potter again that summer. But Meradith, dripping with disappointment and resentment, didn't miss a chance to mockingly refer back to our altercation, "Could you pass the potatoes, Ness? Oh, wait, sorry, I'm not meaning to be PUSHY or anything!" I had really struck a chord.

My move to Chicago, and subsequent "getting ons" with life served to ease the anger Meradith felt towards me and my HP rejection, and fortunately it stopped being a hinderance to our sisterhood.

I didn't think of Harry again until I moved to Baltimore a couple of months ago. Suddenly my lack of a husband and social life, and my overall pregnant laziness, left me with lots of free time each day and a friend happened to have a set of the series hanging around. I considered reading it. I hesitated, flashing back to my traumatic confrontation with Meradith, her eyes blazing, her hair swirling around her head like venomous snakes, her cold, cruel, laugh as she snatched the book from my trembling hands and jumped out the window..... I wasn't sure I could do it.

And then I threw caution to the wind and delved, head first, into the first book. And all of a sudden, I knew. I knew why Meradith had been such a crazed loon about Harry. I knew why she had tried so desperately to persuade me to her way of thinking. I knew why she had so passionately dedicated herself to the Harry Potter cause.

It was like a drug. I found myself staying up late into the night, like a strung out crack addict, devouring the books and shouting "Expecto Patronum!" at anything that bumped or creaked in the dark. I neglected my family. I screened phone calls. I became resentful and surly towards anyone and anything that tried to horn in on my time with Harry. And I proceeded to read the entire series, all 4,224 pages, in less than 3 weeks.

So, the big news of it all is that I've decided to name this baby Hermione. Just kidding. But I wouldn't judge you if you did. Because it's that good....

Now, if you haven't already, go read "Harry Potter." Or I'll kill you.

IDAHO! No, UDAHO!!

That's pretty much the funniest joke to ever come out of Idaho. I remember feeling extra bad-A on the playground, waiting from someone to mention the name of our state for some reason so I could shout it out. I was a sad, sad, overdeveloped little elementary school student.

Anyway, I've been feeling overwhelmed at the prospect of writing this post and therefore, avoiding it. Not for any unpleasant reason, just simply because I have so many pictures that I know it will take me ten years to go through and upload all of them. No body knows my struggle.

This is also the first real batch of photos that I've appeared in since I've been pregnant. And it is with a heavy heart that I announce the commencement of the "Frieda Transformation." Don't be judgy.

NOW, without further ado, I present a picture overload of our three glorious weeks in Idaho! No, Udaho!

Sorry.

We begin with a little rub-a-tub delight in the form of two adoring cousins. They were so cute together on this particular bath time occasion that I had to use every restraint in my body to keep from dunking them both under the water over and over again.

I took Leah to her very first cinema and it was quite excellent. Though, "How to train your dragon," is slightly terrifying. Even for me. Here, the Turkey Sub and her cousin, Ham n' Cheese, were pondering the loot before the show.

Our little herd took up a whole row. Paramount Theatre woot woot!

Grammy doing what she does best.... hypnotizing all of the grandkids and making them feel magical.

Leah and Isaiah when they were still feeling novel and loving towards one another. After their three week stint together they became quite disillusioned and wretched.

Yes, she does ride a razor scooter, beyotches!

This picture merely demonstrates my point of view for no less than 75% of the day. Note the rotund belleh.

Being the watchful auntie and mother that I am, I dutifully took a snooze (snoozing feet pictured in background) whilst my daughter hoarded all the fritos. This developed into quite the scuffle.

Jesse's headstone was finally finished when we got to Idaho. Carson sat for nearly the entire time, pressing his cheek to Jesse's picture and saying, "This is where my daddy lives! This is my daddy!" I will bawl my eyes out right now thinking about it. It was a wonderful, and terrible and tender.

Bethany and Leah Mae at the zoo. This may be my all time favorite picture. Too much beauty.

Me, Mera and her little Scarlett at the "Wolf to Woof" exhibit at the museum of Idaho.

Mera, Leah and Bethany. Is there anything more beautiful than my sissy doodles? No. No there isn't.

Mama and Turkey Sub at Taughtphaus Park.

Seesters. I yuv them.

We took a little jaunt up to Bear World and this shot was taken right before our entrance into the park. Needless to say, those bears wiped that angelic little smile right off her face. Poor little terrified beedja.

Deer are cool! Even the mangey, emaciated, captive ones!

Rabid turkeys are scary! (one was contemplating a pouncing on the other end of this shot)

Goats are gross! Enlarge this one and take a gander at Leah's face. I yuv it.

I will freak out right now.

A little shot of Leah and Bethany's Elyza from inside the safety of the car.

My mom commandeered this enormous waterslide extravaganza and put it up in the backyard for our time together. After some shrieking and objecting to the freezing hose water, Leah finally became a sliding fool.

Warming up, contemplating the universe.

Leah: "Look how cute we all are and how much love we share. We are the best!"

Leah: "Alright, Isaiah and Carson, that'll do. Time to stop the loving."

Leah: "Get the *%$@ off me you %&*$@&%$#@!!!!"

Warming up in the sun after some slide action.

We may or may not have gone to see "Eclipse" twice. And Edward may or may not have been extremely disappointed in me for becoming pregnant since the last time we saw each other.

At the famous Idaho Falls 4th of July fire works. I ended up leaving Leah at home in bed and cruising the river side for dudes instead. I find my pregnant belly to be irresistible to most men. The show didn't disappoint. Here is my brother, Abe, his youngest son, Ethan, my sissy, Bethany and her brood, and a couple of extras thrown in.

This post really doesn't even document half of the crap we did together. I just kept editing out pictures while I uploaded out of sheer laziness. But my motivation will return soon enough, and then I will attack you with a post so full of pictures and stories and dirty secrets your head will explode.

Oh, and just one more tiny little tidbit of info cannot be ignored. Turns out THIS little meatball sub:

is a wee little lady!

Yes! Yes! Yes!

I love you all.