My responses were, as always, meek and understanding, "I'm sorry I've upset you, sister. Please don't be angry with me. I know how much you love Harry, and I don't judge you. I simply can't prioritize a children's fantasy series right now. I just have too much going on. Please understand.... "
I wasn't surprised to hear that her verbal assaults were falling on the ears of my other sister, Bethany, as well. And we talked a whole lotta shiz about Meradith and her obsession with that bespeckled little boy from number 4 Privet Drive.
Things took a nasty turn in the summer when I ventured from my sanctuary in San Francisco to stay at Meradith's house in Utah for a few weeks. One afternoon, I noticed Meradith creeping behind me up to her exercise room. I didn't think anything of it at first, until I situated myself on an exercise bike and put in my headphones. At that moment, Meradith burst through the door with none other that the first HP book clutched in her white-knuckled, spindly little mitt.
"Hey Ness! I thought maybe you'd want to start this book. I mean, you don't have anything else going on while you're exercising, so it's pretty much the perfect opportunity to squeeze some reading in!" Exasperated, I digressed and took the book from her, her face full of anticipation and glee.
She left and I began reading. I had gotten about 15 pages in, not particularly enthused, when the jerking of the exercise bike, mixed with my increasing sweaty-ness, made it irritating to continue reading and I nonchalantly tossed the book to the side. And in that instant I looked up and noticed Meradith's giant, bulging, pulsating eyeball peering in at me through the crack in the door....
Anxiety swept instantly over my body. I tried reaching for the book, but it was no use. She was ascending upon me like a killer whale on a baby seal. She snatched the book before I could blink. She bore down on me with cold distain in her voice, "Did you not like it? Was it not exciting enough for you?? Is there a reason you stopped reading?" In that moment I faltered. For some reason, "my hands were getting sweaty" didn't seem like a good enough excuse. "I... uh... I...." and then I mustered some courage and said, "You know what, Mera? You've been pretty freaking pushy about Harry freaking Potter! I'm not readin' it!"
And it was over almost as soon as it had begun. She said, "You're dead to me!" And turned on her heels and marched out of the room.
We didn't speak of Harry Potter again that summer. But Meradith, dripping with disappointment and resentment, didn't miss a chance to mockingly refer back to our altercation, "Could you pass the potatoes, Ness? Oh, wait, sorry, I'm not meaning to be PUSHY or anything!" I had really struck a chord.
My move to Chicago, and subsequent "getting ons" with life served to ease the anger Meradith felt towards me and my HP rejection, and fortunately it stopped being a hinderance to our sisterhood.
I didn't think of Harry again until I moved to Baltimore a couple of months ago. Suddenly my lack of a husband and social life, and my overall pregnant laziness, left me with lots of free time each day and a friend happened to have a set of the series hanging around. I considered reading it. I hesitated, flashing back to my traumatic confrontation with Meradith, her eyes blazing, her hair swirling around her head like venomous snakes, her cold, cruel, laugh as she snatched the book from my trembling hands and jumped out the window..... I wasn't sure I could do it.
And then I threw caution to the wind and delved, head first, into the first book. And all of a sudden, I knew. I knew why Meradith had been such a crazed loon about Harry. I knew why she had tried so desperately to persuade me to her way of thinking. I knew why she had so passionately dedicated herself to the Harry Potter cause.
It was like a drug. I found myself staying up late into the night, like a strung out crack addict, devouring the books and shouting "Expecto Patronum!" at anything that bumped or creaked in the dark. I neglected my family. I screened phone calls. I became resentful and surly towards anyone and anything that tried to horn in on my time with Harry. And I proceeded to read the entire series, all 4,224 pages, in less than 3 weeks.
So, the big news of it all is that I've decided to name this baby Hermione. Just kidding. But I wouldn't judge you if you did. Because it's that good....
Now, if you haven't already, go read "Harry Potter." Or I'll kill you.
9 comments:
hahaha...yes she was pushy. Then I lost her book 4 and things have not been the same. She thinks that Harry is too good for me now. I do need to get back on that though. nessa...so funny.
I remember the conversation between the two of us when we discovered that Mera had been verbally berating both of us for not reading these books. Hahaha, she is such a big witch! JK, Mer...kinda.
When all is said and done though, WE LOVE HARRY!!
I resisted for years because I was just annoyed that so many people were all crazy for it -- you know, because I am too cool for things the MASSES like or whatever.
Anyway, same thing happened to me when I finally cracked Book 1.
Also, you are hilarious.
Also too, please tell me you have read Hunger Games...
Oh my goodness! Thank you Nessa! Nothing makes me happier than laughing til I cry. Tears streaming= drunk happy. I wasn't laughing at this post though. I was laughing at a joke my really good friend told me the other day. SOOO funny. But you wouldn't get it. So don't you get all cocky with me.
Haha! The thing that really makes me wheeze with joy is the fact that you are not exaggerating at all. I mean your usual post is filled with lies and deciet, but this one... I mean the incident with the excercise bike and all... pretty much happened exactly how you describe. haha. LOL. LMBO. BTW. TTYL. ROFL.
Now, you forgot the part when I snuck into your bedroom in that Mad Eye Moody costume, complete with the rotating mad eye, whispering sweet nothings into your ear, telling you to REEEEAAD 'ARRRRRRY POTTTTTA!!
I'm so happy you're on my side now Nessa. BUT. I do have a gripe. The part that really chaps me about all of this is that by the time your lazy butt did decide to read them, turns out I've forgotten most of it all. I wanted one of you two witches to be reading along with me when I was reading, so we could discuss. Because when you've called and said, "Oh Mera! I just got done reading that part when... yada yada yada..." I've had to fumble around like a real idiot pretending like I remember exactly what you're talking about, and exactly which book it's in, and exactly what happens next. It's all muddled up in my mind now, so I can't enjoy it with you the way I really wanted to, you stupid muggle.
So, let's start the series again, at the same time. But neither of us can get ahead of the other, so we've got to be constantly texting and calling when we've finished one page and are ready to go on to the next, to make sure we're in exactly the same place.
This comment has turned into a little diarrhea of the fingertips hasn't it. I just googled diarrhea to make sure I was spelling it right. Don't ever do that.
And Bethany was as just as big of a bully with the Twilight books! So you shut yer yapper Bethany!! Imon get yew!
That is just great! Glad that you finally delved into it. Now, if I could just be as courageous as you and try to work them out, then I'll understand the big craze (that is a couple of years behind us already). Glad that you enjoyed them!! Glad Harry could be my replacement during your stay in Baltimore.
I just love that I get to wake up each morning to pictures of you and Sam all over the place! Haha! Such a cute couple. Can't wait to see you in person!
Haha! Your sister is like Ted trying to get Stella to watch Star Wars on How I Met Your Mother. I had to READ HP 1 out loud to Aaron...(using some awesome voices) and then get the audio books until Book 3 when he was finally hooked. I don't think the marriage would have lasted if he hadn't read it.
P.S. I dreamed I was using HP magic last night.
I went throught he same obsession/potteritis last year during the freezing winter. Matt kept walking around saying "I can't wait for you to finish those stupid books." I was a crazy mean Mom because for weeks I was functioning on 2 or 3 hours of sleep a night. I stopped cooking, cleaning, or paying any attention to the fact that I had a family to take care of. Matt has suggested that I give up reading all together do to my obsessive nature. He just doesn't understand..... :) I resisted for year too because everyone was SOOOO into the books, but lemme tell you why we're SMART. We waited until the whole series was out to read them so we weren't having to line up at Barnes and Noble at midnight every year for 4 or 5 years waiting for the next chapter in the saga. Fools.
Yes! Yes! Yes! I'm so glad you read them! I know how nerdy everyone else sounds before you read them, but I'm glad you've finally realized what all the fuss was about. And I'm impressed that you read them all in three weeks! Now all we have to do is have a Harry Potter movie marathon before the seventh movie comes out...soonish I think.
I have another good popular series for you if you're still on a reading kick. It's called "The Hunger Games" by Suzanne Collins. The third book comes out next month. It's awesome. Just sayin. Not trying to be PUSHY or anything. :)
I miss you.
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