February Fun Forever Fluff!

February has been quite the month for us business school students. Basically we all got simultaneously fed up with winter and decided to give it the bird by partying like rock stars. Also, we're becoming painfully aware that our time together is whittling away. I shed a tear at the end of each passing day, I tell you.

Anyway, I've got lots o' pictures to share of our most recent shenanigans. On February 6th, we blessed our Tiny Tuna. She was in no mood for a blessing photo shoot so we only attempted a few. And then de-robed before we could take any family shots. So these three measly pictures are all I have to offer:

Only SUPER special girls get blessed on Super Bowl Sunday! We invited everyone over for a little fiesta to celebrate both occasions.

And Mimi made this excellent collage of the evening that I dutifully janked from her blog:

It was a most invigorating partaaay. Though, I will say, about 15 minutes in, Leah got a little overwhelmed and her jubilation morphed into unbridled rage. She had to take a little time out in mom and dad's room to collect herself...

No more than 10 minutes after everyone cleared out. Completely sacked out.

Moving on!

This is a little shot of "the men" taken at Brooklyn's birthday bash. Just before they started playing "light as a feather, stiff as a board."

Take a look at this little squish, glancing over her shoulder with disdain at all of her minions... I yuv her. What I didn't yuv was me and Sam's double chins on either side of her in the original of this photo. Judo chop crop!

On Valentine's Day we ventured over to the Bischoff's for a delicious pancake extravaganza. Love, love, love was all around.

Josh and Leah's first V-Day as a couple, sharing the same seat:

There's a lot of affection in this line-up, folks.

This one, too.

And I'm not scuuured of a lil' double baby duty. This was jus' before I whipped mah shirt off and gave 'um both a good Valentine's Day nursin' .

**Note** When Sam read this part he said, "That's such a creepy joke. You need to say just kidding sometimes." So... attention everyone! I was just kidding about the double barrel nursing! Carina wouldn't let me nurse Skylee...

You may have heard on the news about the "super storm" that hit Chicago and killed everything and stuff. Well, it kind of did. But Leah made it through. Looking cute as a button, I might add.

Here we have a little girl's night out for Mimi's birthday.

I love these women. I'd have taken out 200k in student loans for the sole benefit of having them in my life. 'Specially the little wench in the striped sweater.

And finally...

Know who this is??

It's Warren Buffett beyotches!

'Cept in this one Sam was trying to get him to flex his muscles, but Warren B (not to be confused with Warren G) thought he was going in for a fist pound... so they ended up in some sort of awkward, flex-fist-pound, lover's limbo.

No harm done.

The best part of it all was when I was telling my sister, Meradith, that Sam was in Omaha at a Warren Buffet conference she was like, "Why the crap did Sam go all the way to Omaha for a Jimmy Buffet concert?"

Precisely, Meradith. Precisely.

Now, stay tuned for pictures of Sam's birthday cake get-together. It hasn't happened yet, but I'm expecting lots of nudity.

Sam-Bam-Thank-You-Mam

"You're so freaking testy and not even cool these days... "

That's what I just said to Sam. After he snapped at me for tickling his ear with one of my hairs while he was checking our stocks or something lame like that. And so, because I am by far the bigger person in our marriage (and by bigger, I just mean fatter... not like, more mature) I decided I would log immediately onto this blog and start Sam's birthday post... this way I figure I'll feel all lovey dovey towards him by the time I'm done writing. My only alternative is to stare at him, bore holes in the side of his head until he finishes, and then pick a fight with him for something he did back when we were dating. So here I am.

I'm the best.

Just look at my wee little laddy... when he was just a baby. He was turning 25 in this picture, and we had been dating for just 3 itty bitty months.

Today, however, Sam is turning 31 years old. And has become quite the man. And so, in honor of the glorious occasion, I will bestow upon you 31 quirky/funny/may make you a wee bit jealous tid bits about my darling husband.

And while this is in no way a comprehensive representation of who Sam is, it is, for whatever reason, the first 31 of many things that came to my mind.

In no particular order...

1. Sam is terrified of any and all medical procedures and will not tolerate me suggesting that he undergo any of them. Including the dentist. Which vexes me greatly as this means he will probably die at age 50.
2. He cuts his own hair, and has done so all of his adult life. This may come as an impressive surprise to many of you. He has great hair. And sexy sideburns.
3. He absolutely refuses to warm up my hands or feet and won't hesitate to resort to violence if I attempt to put them on him against his will. He is unmoved by my proclamations that warming a woman's hands in his own is as much a man's duty as mowing the lawn or taking out the garbage.
4. He is picky about how his skin (and mine) feels. Because of this, he will not shower before bed, stay in water long enough for his fingers to get wrinkly (I've seen him on more than one occasion sitting in a hot tub, holding his hands above the water like a weirdy), apply lotion or chapstick, and he accuses me regularly of having clammy and/or sweaty hands when I clearly do not. This makes him a stingey hand-holder and he will only humor me with hand-holding for 32 seconds at a time, under the most particular of circumstances.
5. He is a surprisingly agile and talented dancer--you know, the guys who dance around to be funny, but actually bust out super complex moves that, if given a little guidance, could lead to greatness? Yeah. That's him. Sorta like Jack Black.
6. Whenever we have people stay at our house, he feels put out for the sole reason that he has to have clothes on while they are here... and feels genuine dread for when our kids get old enough to know the difference.
7. He feels that under no circumstances I should have something to eat if he doesn't. It makes him feel utterly distraught and left out. This forces me to take great care when planning my treat consumption.
8. He somehow manages to be a super-overachiever while simultaneously maintaining a slacker attitude. Which gives me a false sense of security. Because I think I'm equally yoked to a slacker and don't have to do anything. Meanwhile he is secretly over-achieving the whole time. e.g. skipping class and never doing homework but somehow managing to land on the dean's list. Oh, and he landed, not one, but TWO super-sweet post-MBA job offers.
9. He becomes infuriated if I jump out and scare him. And once he recovers he will, without fail, deliver a lengthy lecture about how he should never be made to feel unsafe in his own home.
10. He gets really, adorably, pompous when Leah shows him any preferential treatment over me. And struts around like a rooster in a hen house whenever it happens. He doesn't know he does this.
11. He is a shamefully competitive game player. I have had many a deck of cards, or gamepiece pitched at my head in a rampage. He has called my mom "stupid" and accused her of cheating several times while playing cards with her. It is a side of him I will allow to be shown only to the closest of our friends, who have already proven their unconditional love.
12. He hates mashed potatoes and cottage cheese--which may have been a deal breaker, had I known before we got married. And he loves foreign cheeses.
13. He has never commented on another woman being attractive in front of me. Even on T.V. He acts as though he has never even thought about anyone else that way. In fact, even if I genuinely ask if he thinks someone is pretty, he will usually say, "I think you're pretty." Because of this, I have no idea what Sam's "type" is. So, even though his girlfriend before me was a petite blonde, I just have to assume I'm his type. Cause he married me and stuff. Oh, and because I have a girl-crush on Kim Kardashian and pester Sam about how beautiful I think she is, I have deduced that he doesn't find her revolting.
14. If I am craving or need something from the store, he will go out and get it right away no matter what time of night it is or how inconvenient, etc. This is something I thought was just "beginning of the relationship" chivalry, but it has not diminished in the slightest in our 6 years together.
15. He will watch chick flicks with me without complaining. And he'll also watch trashy reality shows with me, though he's generally shouting around and cursing at the people onscreen and chastising me for "watching this crap!" the whole time... still, he weathers the storm.
16. He is the most financially practical/savvy person I know, but never objects to spending money on anything I want. He always says something like, "if you want it, we'll work it out." And he means it. His attitude is a brilliant strategy because it makes me want to be super financially responsible to impress him.
17. He LOVES sports, but he never makes me feel like they take priority over me. In fact, he started watching a football game a bit ago, and just now he turned it off, looked at me and said, "I'm sorry I've been watching this game instead of hanging out with you. Did you want to do anything?" True story. Exact quote. I told him I was too busy surfing the net to hang out with him, though.
18. He is fiercely protective of his pillow and always accuses me of trying to steal it, even though I hate his stupid pillow... and all of its exceptional soft, fluffy goodness.
19. He becomes alarmingly enraged whenever he sees Beyonce dance--and has to stew about her being the ugliest or "most annoying dancer alive!!" for a full 15 minutes before he can get over it. Without fail. What's really weird is that I just found out her dancing has to exact same effect on my dad.
20. He is modest to a fault--like, to where I've actually heard him downplay his accomplishments to the point that he's no longer being honest. He has not one ounce of false pride.
21. He twirls the hair on the back of his head compulsively when he is concentrating. Count of Monte Cristo style.
22. Almost every time he comes home from the gym, the first thing he tells me is that there was some girl on the tredmill next to him, peeking at his stats and "trying to show him up."
23. He gets stressed out about breaking rules---like, he gets waaaay uncomfortable if I jaywalk or duck under a roped off area. It should be noted that his propensity for doing what he's "supposed to" does not apply to speeding or homework assignments.
24. When we lived in San Francisco and my best friend and her sister came to visit, Sam brought a book and drove us around everywhere we wanted all day long, and waited in the car reading until we were finished so we didnt have to deal with parking. This is not the only time he's done this sort of thing. And he'll do it if you come to visit, too... but he'll still feel a little put out that he has to wear clothes around you.
25. He is a sleep eater. See this post.
26. He is not physically affectionate by nature but has come a long way in overcoming being an "awkward hugger" since we've been together. Many people in his family are "awkward huggers." Sam's family, if you're reading this, I'm probably not talking about you... but I am probably talking about your husband.
27. He reads all of my blog posts, first for grammatical/spelling errors, and second for content. There is no "enjoying" until all of the mistakes have been corrected. This annoys me greatly. He'll do it to this post, too.
28. He is especially tender-hearted towards people he senses feel left out.
29. While we were dating, we never had a DTR (Define The Relationship) talk, but rather a WCIF (When Can I Fart?) talk. To Sam, that was our most important milestone. And he began doing it liberally directly following "the talk." I, on the other hand, don't know how...
30. He is a brilliant musician. In fact, the lyrics to even the catchiest songs elude him---but he always picks up on things I don't ever hear, and you can bet he can play every layer of the instrumental part by heart. And finally...
31. He is my very best friend in the whole, wide world. Which, it goes without saying, means he's pretty freaking cool.

See? Now I feel totally smitten with him.

Now send him presents. And cash.

Happy, happy birthday, baby!

Sam 1, Vanessa 0

In our house, Valentine's Day is sandwiched between our anniversary and Sam's birthday, so it rarely gets any real attention. Because of this, Sam and I have lived in relative Valentine's Day ease our whole marriage--never bothering to get more than a bit of candy or a card or whatever.

However, last night, on Valentine's Day Eve, as I sat thinking about the coming holiday and how Sam probably hadn't planned much for it, if anything at all, I decided it bugged me. And the only option I had was to criticize him.

I like to do these kinds of "exercises" to make sure Sam doesn't get too comfortable, you see.

Me: So, why do you think we (you) are so lame about Valentine's Day?

Sam: I know, honey, I'm sorry. We should take more time to make it special.

I stewed for a minute. This was all very unsatisfying. He had given the perfect response... meant to instantly neutralize the threatening situation that he, no doubt, sensed was coming.

But I am especially talented at criticizing and was feeling bored, so I soldiered on.

Me: Well, thinking back on it, have you ever done anything special for me on Valentine's Day?

Sam: (Deep breath) I mean, I know I'm not the best gift-giver. It's kinda hard for me for some reason, but I know I've done a few special things.

Look at you, Sam. Being all cute and non-defensive.

Unacceptable.

Me: Name something.

Sam: Starts listing some of the things he's done.

Me: (cutting him off) Come to think of it, have you ever planned anything special for me at all??

Sam: (refusing to engage) A few things. But you're just a lot better than me at those things. I'll work on it, baby.

Me: Well, you just..... (enter list of embellished criticisms)

After a few minutes, I felt satisfied that he recognized my superiority in general and I forgave him and we made up.

**********************

This morning, much to my surprise, I stumbled out of bed to find flowers, chocolates, breakfast on the table, and my favorite hot chocolate (that he'd woken up early and snuck out of the house to get so it'd be piping hot) all waiting for me. Oh, and, he'd gotten Leah a valentine and himself a little something because he knew, with the new baby, I'd probably not gotten out to get him anything and he didn't want me to feel bad.

Sonoffabeach.

Eternal Sunshine...

About three weeks after Sam and I became engaged, he left me in Utah to begin his career in San Francisco. I planned to go with him the weekend he left, to help him find an apartment and get settled, but about a week prior to our adventure I had to undergo an emergency root canal surgery, which subsequently got infected and left me barfing and in the most intense pain I had ever been in.

And so, the morning of his departure came and the two of us stood in front of his dad's house, crying and trying to say goodbye. Well, he was crying. I was more just misty-eyed and embarrassed.

Just kidding. I was ugly-face-tears-blending-in-with-snot crying and he had, maybe one, adorable tear trickling down his manly cheek. He was wearing a yellow t-shirt and baseball cap that day.

Anyway, we said goodbye and I watched through the blur as his maroon tacoma backed out of the drive and headed off down the street out of sight.

Not being one for theatrics, I threw myself onto the ground, sobbing wildly and rolling around, snorting and screaming and rubbing my face in the grass. I felt desperate. The only thing I could think to do was to call him. And so I did. And when he heard the tortured animal screeching on the other end of the line he came rushing back to me. When he pulled up, we just looked at each other all red faced and puffy, and laughed. And then I hopped in his truck. And with only the clothes on my back, we rode off into the sunset.

We are the freaking cutest.

But, it didn't take long for us to become painfully re-aware of why, exactly, I had originally planned not to leave with him that day. I was horribly nauseated and felt, pretty much, like someone was repeatedly taking a baseball bat to the side of my face.

We had been driving in agony for about an hour when Sam pulled off the side of the freeway. We prayed that I would be able to feel well enough to make the rest of the trip so that we could spend a little more time together. And we prayed to know to turn around if I wasn't going to be able to handle the weekend.

Directly after we ended our prayer, I got out of the truck and staggered a few feet away into the brush. And then I puked my guts out. And then I staggered a few feet further. And I peed. And then I felt like a million bucks.

I skipped back to the truck, all giddy and gleeful and feeling great, to my little husband-to-be, who was sitting there, completely horrified by what he had just witnessed. He stared at me for a second, and I smiled back at him, like, "what??" and he was all, "you just pretty much barfed and popped a squat at the same time." And I was like, "yeah" and then we laughed and I charlie-horsed him for pretending it wasn't the cutest thing ever.

And we had a lovely weekend together in San Francisco.

Later, Sam told me that he had never felt so certain that he wanted to marry me than in that moment, watching me stumble around in the weeds by the side of the freeway.

No... No he didn't. But you can imagine what it would have been like if he did.

He mostly just said he thought it was pretty gross and a little endearing but mostly just gross.

Now, why am I telling you this story, you ask? Well, because today is our anniversary. And you get to tell these kinds of things unabashedly on your anniversary. And while Sam has to be in New York City on this day of days, I'm sitting here, dreaming of him and thinking back on some of our stories... and this one happens to be one of my favorites.

So, here's to five years of love and adventure, my darling. I miss you. Happy Anniversary!

Hurricane Leah...

Today, as I sat stewing over where in the crap all my time goes, I had an epiphany.

Here is my apartment at a random point in time this morning...

Less than 30 minutes after random point in time...

This pattern repeats itself no less than five times each day. And then I cry myself to sleep.

But I forgive them...

And take it out on their dad.