I don't have anything of note to blog about right now. I blame it on the post vacation funk I've been in since our return from LAS VEGAS!! That glorious, shiny town full of marital bliss and lots of Sam giving me attention. It takes a toll on one's motivation to do anything new when coming down from something like that. SO, instead, I'm going to document another little gem at the expense of my husband. He loves my blog. Here we go.
One evening, when Sam and I were first married, I brought home a snickers bar that someone had given me at work. I was feeling all selfless and excited to give it to Sam... but my hopes were dashed when he responded, "meh, I don't really like snickers that much." Oh really fool? You don't like snickers?! I tossed it on our nightstand in disgust and punished him for the rest of the night for not appreciating me enough.
You can imagine my surprise when that night, in the middle of the night, I was awakened by the sound of rustling wrappers. I looked up to see Sam sitting in the v-sit and reach position next to me in bed, the snickers clasped between his hands like a hamster with a sunflower seed. The wrapper was peeled back, banana style, just enough to reveal half of the bar. Ah ha! I sat up, armed with ridicule, when the light of the moon fell on his face and I realized, much to my surprise, his eyes were still slammed shut. He was asleep. He was asleep, and eating my candy bar.
I sat there in wonder, watching my little heffer of a husband gripping his wee little candy bar, in his wee little hands, taking bite after bite, crunching away until the very last bit of chocolaty goodness disappeared. I started laughing. He was undisturbed. He tossed the wrapper off the side of the bed and snuggled back in. Really? Not even a drink to wash it down? I laid down next to him and stared in disbelief as he puffed peanut breath on my face, snoozing away peacefully.
The next morning when I recounted our midnight rendezvous, Sam was skeptical and completely oblivious. I referenced the empty wrapper on the floor next to our bed as evidence. He was shocked. We laughed for a long time. And then turned to the internet for a little self-diagnosis and googled, "sleep eaters." Turns out it's a real, somewhat disturbing, disorder that wasn't nearly as amusing as my hubby and his candy bar. We're talking people who fire up the grill and stuff in the middle of the night in their sleep and burn down their houses and crap like that. Talk about a buzz kill.
At any rate, I still find occasional evidence of midnight dining at our house that Sam claims to have no recollection of. Generally if we have left over dessert. Hmmm.
Creepy.
9 comments:
Hahaha! You have the most hilarious stories about Sam. I had to tell that one to my husband.
Okay, the "hamster with a sunflower seed" comparison? Where the heck do you think of this stuff?! HILARIOUS! I thoroughly enjoyed this story. So glad you recorded it!
Matt does ALL KINDS of crazy stuff in his sleep, but I've never seen him eat. Maybe I'll have to start setting out carne asada nachos by the bed and install a spy-cam to tempt him into that sort of midnight entertainment. Thanks for the idea!
haha you continue to make me laugh out loud! That is just hilarious how you told that! And I just saw a doc. Oz where they talked all about this disorder, haha I hope Sam doesnt really have it!
This is just hilarious! I am always intrigued by sleep walkers & talkers. NOw I have one more thing to keep myself busy googling!
Thanks for the laugh so early in the morning!
I dunno...he might be a poser. I eat stuff and then blame it on outside forces all the time. I would take him in for a psychiatric evaluation Vanessa, for your own protection :)
Oh, and about the super-egg thing. I'm in. How should we go about this?
That is awesome! I'm so glad you woke up and caught him in that. You should try to duplicate it and see if he does it again. And now I'm wondering, what ever happened to your prized guinea pig Scooter?
K, I want pictures next time. You need to trap him. Please, please make his favorite dessert tonight. You can just wait til he falls asleep and then get up and crouch behind the table with the camera. This would truly be a blog post climax. Oh, and by the way, I saw you making your way to Fairfax with little Leah during play date time on Tuesday, but somehow never made it to the play date at Mardee's house. Wat up wit dat? Oh, and we're up for dinner whenever you're willing. Just don't forget to make Sam's fav dessert!
Kent doesn't eat or walk in his sleep, but he talks a little. It's the most hilarious when I come to bed after him. I open the door, silently, and sits straight up in bed saying, "Hello? Hello?" in a voice that you hear people use in scary movies. I try to quietly reassure him it's just me, go back to sleep, and then he always says some crazy, nonsense statement before laying back down and rolling over. Just the other night he asked me, "How long have you been a gorilla?" Or something like that.
I always try to remember so I can tell him the next day.
"Like a hamster with a sunflower seed." A perfect line for someone who had just read the Scooter story. I pictured Sam as Scooter, mowing down a Snickers in a cage next to an exercise wheel and a water bottle.
Also, I've said some pretty wild things in my sleep, and I always tell Mel to write them down for years of laughter. But she never does.
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