and a little fat...
BUT, this post is in no way meant to make any of you feel bad for me... or to prompt you to tell me "you look great!" or anything like that. Prrrromise. Because I REALLY haven't been feeling sorry for myself. AT ALL! I just wanted to share a few of the preposteries (that's right, preposteries) that have been lovingly lobbed in my direction during this pregnancy, by people that weren't you. Because they'll make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. And because for some reason, people don't have much of a filter with me when I'm pregnant. And a few of these zingers will really blow your mind.
"Oooh, last time I saw you, I remembered you skinny." (Said by a man, no less)
"If I had to choose someone to be in my handcart company, I'd choose a strong, useful, thick woman like you, Vanessa." What a great compliment! If you ran into trouble, I'd probably be the first person you'd eat, too!
"So how come your sister stays so skinny, when you just blow up like a whale during your pregnancies?" How would you answer this? I just sort of stood there, blinking... and said, Um, I don't know?
"Oh my gosh, it looks like you're carrying most of that baby right in your face!" Mmmmm. I feel perdy.
"I just think you're so beautiful! So classic! Like one of those old movie stars... ya know, cause they had big boobs and hips and carried extra weight on them back then." The first part of this sentence was most excellent... and I was getting all puffed up with pride... then came that "extra weight" death blow, like someone saying, "You know what celeb you look EXACTLY like? Roseanne!" Yes!
(As Sam was helping me off the couch) "Hahaha you just looked exactly like this 500lb woman I used to care for at (insert name of convalescent home where this person worked)."
"Oh wow, you look like a big, comfy whale sitting there!" (That makes two whale comparisons, folks. TWO!)
"Your belly is getting so big! And you look actually pregnant, not just like, fat." (WHAAT!? haha!)
Alright, those are the best ones I can remember for now. Needless to say, I'm anxious for this babeh to get here for more reasons than just wanting to meet her.
In other news, I moved my couches and vacuumed under them. So that's good.
8 comments:
Oh. My. Hell. NESSA!!!!!! This post had tears streaming down my face laughing hysterically and crying out of protectiveness!! I seriously have a rebuttle for every single one of these, like with the first one, if I was there I would have said, "that's so funny because you are actually every bit as ugly as we all remember you." I'm overcome with rage right now.
I can't even handle this post. It's just so outrageous. I had to keep myself from head butting the computer several times upon reading these.
When I was pregnant with Scarlett a woman in my ward said, "Meradith, could you please do us all a favor and hold your belly when you walk? Because it looks like that baby is going to just come flopping out of you..." in a really disgusted tone of voice, like my being pregnant was sicking her out beyond belief. And then followed up with, "You are lucky you are normally such a pretty girl... because really." Not exggerating one bit, she said exactly that, and I just stared blankly at her. And then I fired out and B slapped her and waddled off as quickly as I could.
JK I didn't. But I wish.
I thought that was bad, but that doesn't even really touch some of these. What is WRONG WITH PEOPLE!??!
What planet?? Seriously!!? I have to chalk those comments up to some serious social issues. Poor things don't know how to act when you let em out ;)
I'm still laughing about these. Thanks for having a sense of humor and sharing! I'm getting nearly opposite comments this time around and I still get uncomfortable. I guess pregnancy is an invitation for inappropriate comments all around.
This world is clearly full of such intelligent and classy people. (eyes rolling)
Today, I hate most people. But perhaps no one more than the idiots that uttered these atrocities.
Next time, you should sit on the person and b-slap the living day lights outta them. That'll show them.
Morons.
On an unrelated note, do you remember sitting in McCoy's class and saying, "Good morning, fudgepackers!" imagining it was coming over the intercom?
No, you don't? Please tell me you do. It had me laughing out loud really quite hard this afternoon.
Rid. Ick. You. Louse.
I cannot believe this post! Is this real life?! I want to meet these stupidfacejerkheadtards. I can see those kinds of comments ripping apart a woman not as strong as you. I'm glad you can laugh at them and realize that you are absolutely gorgeous.
I agree wholeheartedly with your sister Meradith, I want to verbally b slap as well as physically b slap all the people who said these horrid things to you, you know I know some killers in the Chicagoland area, let me know if you need their assistance
Ok seriously that is terrible! I hate how people think they can just say whatever pops into their head about pregnant women...idiots!
If ever there is a time to be sensitive, it is while a woman is prego. Seriously! I think that after being recently pregnant myself, I can sympathize with you. I was called "Big Buddha" more times than I care to admit.
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